Advice to Help My Fellow Man – How to Care for a Unicorn

By now you all have seen the Hot Crazy Matrix Video on YouTube and you understand what a unicorn is. Far too many people in our society lack the basic skills necessary to properly care for a unicorn. Below are some simple tips to help you out.

1. Tell her she is beautiful everyday. And when appropriate, but not so soon it scares the hell out of her, that you love her everyday. Unicorns need to know that they are important to you and have an important place in your world. Some unicorns may even want to know why you like/love them. This can be a slippery slope if you are not sincere. Don’t just give an answer to give one. Take your time and always tell her honestly why you like/love them. It is ok for your answer to change as you spend more time together.

2. Unicorns expect to be treated like a woman should be treated by a man. Open doors, pull out chairs when being seated, holding her hand, hugs and kisses in public, manners like; please and thank you go a long way in making her feel special. Comment on how attractive she looks or how nice her legs looks in a new pair of heels. If planning a hunting or fishing trip, skip the flowers and opt for getting her a dozen new lures or a dozen new arrows. If you are at the pool, the beach or lake and she breaks out a new bikini comment on it, empower her, make her feel sexy. Notice when she gets her hair and nails done. Often times she will tell you ahead of time that she is heading to these appointments. Keep track and provide compliments. Even unicorns who embrace the outdoors still expect and want to be treated like a woman. Just because a unicorn likes to play in the mud and get dirty does not mean she is a lady at heart.

3. Do little things to make your unicorn feel appreciated. Send Flowers, place a note in her lunch, send her a random text telling her that you miss her smile, etc. Walk by her and smack her ass softly. Sincere simply gestures are the best. A long massage that focuses on her aches and pains, and not on sex can be the great end to long day. Though often times with a unicorn sex will happen following a massage anyway. It is the thought and the effort, not the dollar amount, that are important. Unicorns are highly intelligent and can see through your bull shit. They want to be reminded that you care and that being with them is the most important part of your day.

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4. Listen to your unicorn. Unicorns have a lot to say, it is important that you are able to talk about and discuss what interests them, as well as be able to discuss your feelings and your relationship expectations when it is brought up. This can be a challenge for most men, and is a skill that may have to be learned. Unicorns want to know everything about you, be prepared to share and have open conversations about anything and everything. Unicorns want to know about what is going on in your life. They want to share in everything that is you.

5. Unicorns love to travel. That is why they have wings. Be up for anything, even if it is not what you want to do. Traveling with a unicorn is always an amazing adventure. Even unicorns that love to hunt and fish sometimes just want a weekend away to do nothing but be together. Embrace it, and you will also have a great time. Planning a special trip that embraces their passion goes well beyond their expectations and hopes of having a place where they can be themselves. A new lake, a small coastal town, a mountain community can all be great adventures. Find out her sizes and pack her clothes for the entire trip and pick her up at work. Throw in a few new items the are geared for the adventure. Be sure to make sure her boss is in on it. If she is a t shirt and shorts kind of girl, that is what you pack.

6. Make your unicorn smile and laugh everyday. Unicorns often have tough or stressful jobs. The time that you put into making her smile and laugh will be rewarded in many different ways. Stress doesn’t always have to be mental either. Standing for long periods of time can cause your unicorn to be tired or have sore muscles. Take this into consideration when they come home from a long day. Have their favorite beverage waiting and help them relax. Whether your unicorn has a fun or interesting job, or does not, make sure to inquire about the days events. Often times the stories are humorous and can spark other conversation.

7. Unicorns are highly sexually evolved creatures. You will have to be creative and committed to keep up. If you don’t they will get bored and leave. You must keep your unicorn satisfied in the bedroom. Once week will not get the job done for most unicorns. Some unicorns require attention multiple times a day. Understand that unicorns have hard and soft sexually limits so don’t push her beyond them. She will let you know when she wants to push beyond them. Remember rule number 4, listen to your unicorn.

8. Unicorns have many friends and often travel in groups with other unicorns. Make nice with the other unicorns in the group as some may have a great deal of power and influence. Don’t push her to meet her friends either, she will introduce you when she is ready. Under no circumstances should you try to sleep with or have a threesome with the unicorns friends. Unicorns are very territorial and don’t like to share. This will bring a fast end to your relationship with said unicorn. Also keep I mind that unicorns might have lots of guy friends. This is a tough pill to swallow for many. There is no reason to be jealous. Take a deep brief and pull your head out your ass. Remember she is with you for reason, so there is no need to act like a jealous middle schooler fighting for his first girlfriend.

9. Take an interest in what your unicorn likes to do. If she like to read, ask about what she is reading. If she likes to workout, ask her about her workouts, ask if she would like you to join her. If she likes to fish, take her fishing. Hell if she has a boat she may take you fishing. It takes no money to learn about and care enough to be interested in what your unicorn enjoys doing and will be reciprocated later. Don’t ever belittle or demean her interests and hobbies. That is a quick find yourself in a hostile no win situation.

10. Most unicorns don’t cook. Learn to cook and prepare foods that will delight your unicorn. Otherwise they will find someone else to feed them. If you happen to find a unicorn that does cook, know that you have something magical at your hands. Be sure to clean up after the meal regardless of who prepared it.

11. Most unicorns have children. There is no need to buy their love. Children of unicorns are highly intelligent and influential. Treat them with kindness and respect and everyone will get along harmoniously. In addition it is not up to you when you get to be introduced to them. That decision will in the hands of your unicorn and your unicorn alone.

Steve Sheetz

Steve is an avid outdoorsman who has been fortunate enough to publish two books on archery hunting. His first book, For the Love of the Hunt, was published in 2011. His second book, Wading Through the Darkness was published in 2015. Steve sits on numerous Pro Staffs throughout the archery industry. For almost a decade Steve helped build Huntonly.com but wanted the opportunity to build something bigger and better and launched Chasinwhitetails.com in December of 2014 as a way to share his love and passion for the outdoors. Today Chasin'Whitetails Media is growing. With the addition of the radio show in 2014 and a The Heartbeat TV show in 2015, who knows what will come his way next. When it comes to understanding the movement and logic of the urban whitetail and waterfowl, he is more than just a Ph.D. with a love of the outdoors. He is a self-proclaimed expert who loves to engage and teach others about the sport he loves so very much. Spending over 125 days a year in the big city woods and urban waterways chasing all types of game.

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